In Elizabeth Jennings’ poem, Put Memory Away, there is a line that sparked my interest, and caused me to contemplate another meaning of Christmas.  The line reads, “…a child puts out a stocking.” 

Why do children (and adults) put out stockings at Christmas?  Of course.  The answer is plain.  We put out Christmas stockings in the belief and hope that Santa Claus will magically visit as we sleep and fill them with Christmas goodies.  Then on Christmas morning our hearts are filled with joy as we unload the fruit, candies, nuts, and trinkets of love bestowed upon us.

This time of year often times brings painful memories for abuse survivors.  Put those memories away.  My wish is that you will find joy in putting out a stocking of hope and belief  that your pain will be put away.  May you make happy memories as you contemplate the goodness of God. 

May we continue to gain strength in our quest to put an end to clergy sexual abuse, and making churches safer places to worship.  May you find peace in your own sacred place this season.    

Many who deal with victims of clergy sexual abuse are quick to assume that forgiveness plays an important role in healing the wounds of clergy sexual abuse.   Forgiveness has been thrown in my face many times by well-meaning Christians.   If I would just “forgive” my perpetrator, I’m told, then I’d be healed of the pain. 

Then recently, something happened that brought a little vindication to my credibility.  You see, the pastor who hurt me spread an awful rumor about me during the time he was abusing me.  People in the church believed his lie–because they had no reason not to.  After all, he was the senior pastor of a prominent church, a professor at a highly respected seminary, and influential among many Christian leaders throughout the United States.  No one told me about his lie because he told others not to say anything to me.  He told them I would become angry and enraged if they brought it up.  People were afraid to say anything to me until after everything about the clergy sexual abuse came out. 

When I found out what he said, I was shocked.  Apparently he said I was a former prostitute he found on the streets, and that he was trying to rehabilitate me.  That was an incredible lie!  Why did he make up such a terrible lie about me?   He wanted to make sure no one would believe me if I told what he was doing behind closed doors.  

How could I ever defend myself against his lie?  The truth is I graduated from a Bible college, and attended the local university where I was working on my Master’s Degree when I met the pastor.  I’ve even offered to show people my transcripts to prove my good reputation.

Then several weeks ago, a coed from the Bible college I attended let me know they had placed a plaque in the Conservatory of Music with my name on it.  She was delighted; I was surprised, and honored.  I had already received the award many years ago.  I didn’t think they would make such a big deal of the awards that had been presented throughout the years.   The plaque states I was the ”Outstanding Vocalist of the Year” for 1978-79.  My name publicly displayed by the Conservatory of Music is a testament to my good reputation.  It proclaims the truth about who I am.  It is significant…and healing.  How could I be what the perpetrator said I was when I was attending a Bible college, and the university?

Then today, I received an email from a woman who recently found “healing and restoration” through being believed by the authorities.  She was vindicated, and has now found a new respect at her new church for turning in her perpetrator–twice!  He now faces additional charges including embezzlement.   It brought her healing and restoration. 

Is “forgiveness” necessary for healing?  What about being “believed” and being “vindicated” and gaining back your “respect”?   When others believe the victim…when those in authority hold the perpetrator accountable…when the victim is vindicated of wrongdoing…when the victim wins back her good reputation…when the victim’s respect and dignity are restored by the church…that’s how healing really comes about.

“Study to show thyself approved unto God…” (2 Timothy 2:15)

Recently I received two comments from visitors to Sharon’s Rose who have shown their approval for Sharon’s Rose.  One never knows for certain that your website will reach those for whom you intend it to reach, so it’s a pleasure to receive a good word about the work you’ve done.  These women, who have been greatly affected by clergy sexual abuse, have confirmed to me that there is a need for Sharon’s Rose.  These aren’t the only words of affirmation I’ve received, but are the latest, and I wanted to share them. 

From a woman: 

“Sharon, God bless you for this site…. It has already been a blessing to me….We have faith in God, but have no trust or desire to be in church due to the way the church reacted…. Thank you for your site and allowing me to speak through it.  I am pretty much silenced by what happened.”

Another visitor said: 

“Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate the work you are doing. I have been to your website and learned much. May God bless you and your family. Your words on this site are balm to the soul.”

Sharon’s Rose continues to get hits from all over the world.  I am very thankful for every one who visits Sharon’s Rose, and hope it will minister to clergy sexual abuse survivors, and help bring understanding to this atrocity happening in our churches.  Our collective voices form a strong cord that will bring clergy sexual abuse to an end.