I Didn’t Really See What I Just Saw–Or Did I?
I went to a Christian college where sexual activity among coeds was strictly forbidden. We signed a contract with the school vowing that we would refrain from such activity (along with a host of other taboos). So when my friend told me he walked in on his roommate having sex with a female student, he was quite shaken up. He described to me what he saw, and how the two partners were scrambling to get their clothes back on. Then he said, “They weren’t having sex! No! I didn’t see them having sex!”
Many times when we witness something like that, we experience shock and betrayal. To admit we saw what we saw places us in a position of responsibility. In my friend’s case, if he acknowledged what he saw, he would then have to ”turn in” his roommate, knowing his roommate would be thrown out of the college. If only his roommate hadn’t done what he did, then my friend wouldn’t have to take responsbility. My friend (and the college) had been betrayed by his roommate. Admitting he saw what he saw meant he would have to admit his roommate betrayed him, and the institution he believed in.
The same thing happens to innocent bystanders in a church where clergy sexual abuse happens. Other staff members, church leaders, and congregation members might sense something is wrong. They may even be eyewitnesses to the assaults. I’m reminded of a church elder who literally walked in as the pastor was sexually assaulting one of his victims. The elder didn’t do anything, and I wondered why.
We all want to believe that Christians, especially at “our” church are good people. So when we see the pastor (or other respected church leader) doing something so heinous and unthinkable as sexual abuse, it’s hard to believe. We go into a state of shock riddled with betrayal. If we admit we saw what we saw, it places us in a position to take responsibility. We have to admit we were betrayed: the “good” people and the “good” institution to whom we vowed allegiance are not so “good” after all.
Maybe that’s why God hates sexual sins so much. It’s not just the “sin” of a very sick sexual predator. It doesn’t just harm the victim(s)–harm that is far reaching, and takes years to undo. It also affects others in their belief that the world is a safe place, that we can trust others to be who they say they are. When it comes to a pastor sexual predator, many people relate God to the pastor perpetrator, thus preventing innocent bystanders from trusting God. It could take years for any person affected by clergy sexual abuse to regain the ability to trust the church, or even God.
Did the church betray us? Yes and no. No, I’m sure church leaders aren’t seeking to put sex offenders in their pulpits. But many times, when witnesses come forward to report sexual abuse, the witnesses aren’t believed, or very little action is taken–if any. So, yes, there are times when the church betrays us by covering up, and “protecting” the pastor perpetrators for whatever their reason.
Has God betrayed us? No. The one ultimately responsible is a crazed narcissistic psychopath, not God. God does not betray His own; but rather loves His children.
The statistics regarding clergy sexual abuse today are staggering. Kathryn Flynn reports in her book, The Sexual Abuse of Women by Members of the Clergy, that the number of clergy sexual predators is as high as 37%. That’s astounding. That’s more than 1 in 3 pastors!
We need not be so much in shock when we witness the unthinkable. It’s likely that any Christian who is involved in church will become a witness to clergy sexual abuse. Did we really see what we just saw? We probably did! Admitting it is the first step in preventing clergy sexual abuse.
